part one
but it's still like a flash in my memory
you know one of those quick shots of some tyler durden looking character
except, except i know who it is and he's a she
so yeah i've been there before i can sympathize with you on that
(silence)
no, no i wasn't trying to bring up any bad thoughts just thinking out loud
you know... reflecting
(but sometimes you just need to go to sleep)
sure, but think about how much fun is it to stay up and watch all the fools pass by you
those unfortunate seeds of mistakes, accidents or affection refused people who think they have it together
(so tell me about her)
not much to say really
she was something special then she wasn't
that how we all are somebody one day something the next
(something?)
yeah, now think about this before you throw out some bullshit about everyone being special or whatever crap you were taught to say
(taught by who?)
you know who
now listen
we all start out basically the same
little screaming hunks of life that needs round the clock attention
about 90 percent of us get it
then as time goes on we think we need less and less
but then one day we wake up and say
oh shit!
i really need love, acceptance or hell i don't know, but we need and guess what?
the fucking world has moved on pal
yeah
someone to something
(so was she someone or something?)
you would like me to say i'm the judge of that wouldn't you?
that kind of statement would make it convenient for you, huh
(not really)
so then what do you want me to say?
(tell me why you thought she ........
her hair was black as night
never made up to be pretty cause that's just how she was
her skin was alabaster and smooth but her hands had become hardened to the life she lived
like her heart would one day become
i can still remember the first time and the last time i felt her body under mine
but it was never how i dreamt it and it never would be
dreams are scary
part 2
yeah, well i never wanted people to run from me
(then why do you insist on frightening everyone?)
it just comes naturally i guess
and you know most people need to be frightened
that's what's wrong with this place there is no fear
your people have stripped it all away
(my people?)
don't be cute
you know who i'm talking about
yeah, see at one time fear was everywhere
on the tv, in the newspapers
the streets were full of fear
then one day all these people decided they had enough
they thought nothing could be worse than what cnn was broadcasting and re-broadcasting every hour up-to-date real time
cnn-the fear sponge
(and you want to give people back their fear?)
oh, i never said they lost it they just chose to stop being afraid
big difference
(does fear turn you on?)
now you're at it again trying to catch me in some metaphorical trap
look it's like this- christopher lee, you know he played a monster blood lusting, undead, spawn of evil and people cheered for that shit man you know they love it when the vampire comes up from the grave
or some stupid shit like that people go nuts and do you think he ever regretted being the bad guy?
(yes, but he didn't......
her stillness wrapped around my soul and consumed my desire for more
i became fixated on her naked body
in her sleep she was most beautiful
i could follow the contours of her body for hours without ever touching her
but she would never feel the way i dreamt she would feel
feelings can be deceptive
part 3
(why so quiet?)
just thinking
(really, about what?)
chimpanzees
(chimps, do you like chimps?)
who gives a rats ass about if i like fucking chimpanzees
see it's that kind of crap that makes me wonder
(about what?)
ok, you take your family to the zoo to see the chimpanzees
man you know, all running round making people laugh
if all those people only knew
why can't you fucks leave the chimpanzees alone?
(who?)
your kind of people
i know what you're hiding
(who's kind of people? and what are they hiding?)
fucking chimps
you can't get more human without being human
they are closer to us than gorillas
and what do you people do?
drug them up
selectively breed them so the common person never knows
(knows what?)
in the wild chimpanzees are vicious
they are predators
damn good ones too
but we can't let joe blow and his little bratty kids know that can we?
in the wild a chimp will prey on weaker chimps and monkeys
committing acts of torture and violence
sodomy, blood drinking
some of those little bastards
will even rip the flesh right off of some puny runt
but don't let little tommy know that
why?
i'll fucking tell you why
so certain portions of our society who like to keep the facts hidden
can continue that bullshit about man being evil and the only predators who hunt for fun or sport or just because we need to hunt
(need to hunt?)
how many fucking times do i have to tell you
i'm not going to be tricked by clever god damned word play
(i'm not trying to trick you)
whatever man
look, it's all about keeping up the facade
you know don't let bob everyman know the truth
(what truth?)
that we are all the same
(no, that's not true. not everyone.....
i can still remember the sparkle in those deep brown earthen eyes
i remember every second as her pupils widened with the sensation
my eyes were wild with anticipation
the eyes are the gateway to eternity
part 4
(so do consider yourself the alpha-male?)
what, just because i talk for a bit about fucking chimps you think i'm going to fall for that fuckin question?
(i don't think that's a loaded question)
well of course you don't man and it probably isn't
but my answer..... yeah, my answer makes it a loaded question
(how so?)
ok, so if i answer it, yes then there you have it the world makes me out to be some panzram shit bag but if i say "oh no i follow my instructions" then i become some berkowitz fuck
and i'll have wave after wave of conspiracy assholes hounding me forever
(was it not fame you were seeking?)
you know you are really pissing me off with those fucking questions
haven't you got anything better..... fame..... big friggin deal, man what's fame about?
think about it... ask the first person you meet on the street "who's carl panzram?"
and they won't have a clue
but you take some whiney little turd like old son of sam..... what a fuckin tool
(do you admire carl panzram?)
oh that's good try to slip one in on me didn't you?
panzram was a big monkey who was bored
no education
no social skills
nothing
he was the 800 pound gorilla besides he had no style
(style?)
yeah, no style hell, he didn't even like women
all brute force, no grace
(so grace is........
she was so tender there, in my hands
a pure vision of serenity
so peaceful so precious
if only i could keep her this way forever
but, serenity is just an illusion
part 5
it will be dawn soon
(yes, i know)
how much longer does this need to go on?
(that depends on you)
you know i came in here with a specific purpose
a clear cut goal
(and now?)
oh, i still have the same goal it just seems so.... so god damned distant
(ever wonder what her goals were?)
fuck man
who cares
she didn't care
the only goal she had was getting her hands on some good weed and a stiff cock
it's what her life had come to
(someone to something?)
i guess you could say that
(so now what?)
like i have the fucking answers to life
it all means shit in the end
your born you die
for a few years in between you eat and fuck drink and scheme hustle for whatever happiness you can steal
(so all happiness is stolen? who is it stolen from?)
it's like a never ending ladder
she stole it from her parents who would on occasion steal it right back
then she would need to go out and steal it from someone who would take it back in the morning
she would run home to grift it again from old mom and dad
only to have it taken from her later that day by her dealer
so she could go out with her pseudo happiness
have it stolen while she knelt before the guy who robbed her
it goes on and on until one day it's no longer happiness
just a flutter of desire for it
(so this will bring her happiness?)
i could feel her pulse in the throbbing of her neck
as the cool sounds of the night filtered through the room
it was an act of desperation
it was an act of
part 6
(and her happiness? will she be awake for this happiness?)
you know these clever ass questions are really starting to piss me off
and it damn sure isn't going to do any thing to help your cause
(my cause?)
if i didn't have these damn shackles on you would be the first in this room to go
this bullshit interrogation has made me realize i just don't like you
in the wild your chimp ass would be augured out and your skin would on my wall
(so, you would like to kill me?)
unlock me and you will sure as fuck find out
the key he tossed was
more freeing than the
smoothness of her touch
in the days before the sadness
before her freedom broke her
freedom is never free
part 7
i was next to her once again
her warm body gently moving
the body responds even if the mind is numb
(i give you the keys and all you can do is fuck her while she's unconscious?)
you can fuck her while she's conscious, but you can't save her?
(that is why i brought you here. remember?)
then she will be awake for the rapture!
i won't kill you
just let you feel the eyes of the condemned on you forever
oh, that's right it's not condemnation to you
you believe this will set her free
tell me, how do you measure freedom?
how does it get rationalized in that educated head of yours
(i see you have a few trick questions yourself)
as her body stirred she was more beautiful
than the first time i watched her walk across the room
her warm smile
her earthen eyes once more had a light
her sigh was the feeling of safety
her eyes widened
as the force of our penetrations surprised her
one last time
she confessed her freedom
i confessed her deliverance
