Ohmygodthatshuge...Yes, It Is One Word

and so goes another day
a little work a little play

she comes to me soft and smooth
she knows just how to move

she creeps along my spine
teasing softly all the time

but i'm not teasing
i want pleasing

THRUST

must
have
more

THRUST

before i break the news across her bust

The Dissolution Of Yesterdays Time

sitting on this spinning floor
watching the world dissolve
the colors of life ebb and flow
past the sound of life escaping
and i've drawn from the well
for the last time

time
not my time
time
time me not

flesh slips into the fight
on microscopic levels
inundated with disease
the voice of knowledge
condemns the voyeur of the soul
for the concept of time

time
not my time
time
time me not

this temptation to vanish
from the vision of perception
to meld with the unseen
the thought of consummation
draws me to the well
for one last time

not my time

That Man

love is an affliction
and passion is the symptom
but they don't know that yet do they?
all hunkered down next to
this generations fireside
telling the same sad old stories
and before we know it
we join in their chorus of pain
becoming self absorbed with
those things that matter not

you have to admit
the prey is easy here
silhouetted by the warm and friendly glow
of their monitor
typing out words of great sorrow
filled with little hope
and even less worth
to anyone who would
casually pass by without feeling

sad same old story
loneliness begets lonely
and so on and so forth
spiraling downward
until one day
you find yourself
just a fat old man
bored with living
and waiting for the day
when a heart that is tired of waiting
stops beating and in silence
you fall with a satisfied look
on a worn and withered face

i don't want to be that man
no no
i don't want to be that man
filled to the brim with emotional cancer
no no
please don't let me be that man

and the animals that gather
in the park on rainy days
waiting for hand outs
seem to look even sadder today
as if they've lost a friend
yes, the old man who sat there
day after day
feeding them crusty bread is gone
did he die or just forget to come?
has he expended his supply of bread?
like the words that flowed in his youth
all dried up without warning
such a tragedy for the world to see
to think he was once like you and me
then one day he was drug down
by the weight of his own soul
black and tortured from a constant
diet of overindulgence
gorged on ego and desire
the cup of his courage drained
by the forces of vanity gone wild

if the director would only say cut
this would all go away
and i can return to my quiet
peaceful playground in the corner of my imagination
where there are no screaming audiences
no critics, no onlookers
who are waiting for you to make that
all important first mistake
but now i'm stuck here
with my head in the sand
and i can feel the presence of that man

can someone explain to me,
what happened in the night
where did this come from?
and why is it here?
i thought no love was expendable
i thought it was understood
that i can't go out there without
falling flat on my face
don't you know i need you?
without you i'm nothing
so why can't we stop all this fighting?

you ask me if i'm in need
of some intangible
a desire you cannot fulfill
but what is it that i would want from
invisible creatures who ride
on horses of processors
along trails of binary patterns
searching for listeners of sadness
wanting nothing but attention
a false sense of security
a need for a make believe family
no, i only played the cards that were dealt
and in the end i would donate the winnings
to someone who could use them
a seeker of legions to lead into
fictitious battles for love and affection

so what will we do with them?
these monsters in the hall
that creep around stalking the night
watching us, taunting us
keeping us on different sides of the path
what can we do?
just sit here in silence and hope they go away
or do we continue to feed them
each day they grow
larger and larger
each day they breed another little
sprout of anger and jealousy
wanting a taste of the bread in my hand
what if we turned and roared back at them?
told them to just go away
we could chase them down the corridor
to the end of the line
chase them back into the world they came from
but then we would be forced to deal with the crisis
of seeing our reflection in the mirror

i don't want to be that man anymore
can't you understand?
i wasn't ever really him at all
i don't want to be that man anymore
please just take my hand
and walk with me till the end
let our love light the way
it's only a game if you play
and i don't want to be that man
who is lying on the floor
life spent and wasted on nothing
satisfied that the end has finally came
no, i'm not that man
please
natacha please,

don't ever let me become that man

Creation

the cold tentacles of a shattered life of
mediocre injustice reaches out
like the serpent of madness that
dwells in the houses of lonely
weekend patrolmen who creep along
side streets and alleyways trying
to slither along until their shift ends

but i am waiting in that darkness they
so cleverly try to avoid
waiting for my moment

fear is the key to survival and i hold the lock in my hand

coldly shouldering the blame of
a thousand wronged nights spent
with the agony of a broken life
spinning toward this one crucial interlude

should the man be allowed to live?

fight in the recesses of the abyss
for the salvation of one frozen soul

good god what have we become?

de-human

cut me and the blood of the world shall pour from the mouths of dogs covering your useless intentions with the cries of intellectual scavengers

help me

it is within these faint glimmers of today's modern age
that we look up to the heavens to find
not the gods of our ancestors
but the junk of our fathers
falling down upon us in a deluge of sorrow

yes, de-human
defunct
destroyed
defined as new prophets
running in the streets burning society as we sleep
for in the fires of revolution are born the
minds of disgruntled soldiers
who would purge the lands
with a new wave of genocide
and offer this world to those forces
that drive the darkness within us all

darkness reaching out to us
cold tentacles that stroke our
shadowed libido
and bring us to this point-
explicit words designed to make us feel
special
so that we may masturbate our minds
until the orgasm of an idea spurts
onto the paper before me

put the key in the lock
put the key in the lock
put the key in the lock
put the key in the lock
put the key in the lock

And Nothing But

standing in the corner of my shadow filled room
cloaked in the robes of doubt and lies
you follow me still, always at my back
how long must i carry this burden?

the quest for knowledge
knows no boundaries
but the answers don't come cheap
the debt i owe is heavy
and the sandman knows just when to collect

the sands of time fall through the glass one by one
until the final grain slips and falls screaming
spiraling down to an uncertain future
how many more nights must i relive this dream?

older
each day
older
'til the valleys and hills
become smooth, vast unfeeling plains of nothingness
and my cold simple marker
tells you all of my fate
the window of perversion closed
and the fruitless masses of unrepentant bastards
run rampant over the desolate fields of this existence

run from the sandman, run
he collects tonight
run you twisted junkie
high on sacred knowledge, run
the sandman is close behind

looming large intimidating me from the shadows
flowing black robes of dark justice
the hand of the sandman falls on my shoulder
gripping tightly pulling me under, what escape have i?

the pit of eternal damnation opens up to receive me
as my quest comes to a fiery end, my breath held everlasting
my earthly torment over, i find peace
in the welcome arms of oblivion, my questions answered

in the end it's life and nothing but

Oh, I Didn't See You Standing There

are you sure this is where we came in?
this room doesn't look the same
full of potential killers and unexpected madmen
andrew i think you made a wrong turn
timmy, what do you think?

breaking away from the strangers inside my head

who was that person that just left?

these eyes all look new to me

i'm here to turn in my badge
i can no longer ensure the safety of the passengers
find someone else to guard this train
i'm jumping off at the next town
taking timmy and andrew with me

no more voices to scream words without meanings

see, look they never stop coming

and some of them just don't belong here

drink
drinking
drunk

for those about to read this
for those about to run from this
for those about to return to never
swallow some more pills and meet me on the other side of the river
i'll show you my old house
take you to the playground where i dreamed of being somebody
we can hang ornaments on a tree
that never gave birth to christmas joy
we can eat crackers and cheese
and drink kool-aid in the july sun
pass our time in the dirt

or not

they say i preferred to play alone

The Meaning Of Life

here in the queue
step
wait

talk to strangers
step
wait

think about my bladder
step
wait

wonder how it will be
step
wait

turn around get a look at where i've been
step
wait

anticipation grips me
step
wait

getting close now
step
wait

three to go
step
wait

sorry folks he just left





i once waited on an answer from god