Anna, She Drives the Big Van While I Smile and Wave at the Creatures Along the Highway

 these broken boxes of dreams scattered about the lime green waters sleeping in icy caverns beneath the surface of moons i long ago forgot to colonize in my rush to become the expanded mind come back to me now in a fragmented paisley kaleidoscope of memories i cannot explain

and this notion of anna driving the big van to meet me falls into a vision i once lost long ago

in freefall i laugh with no sound save the color of a new stress calling me into realms of a lithograph of different languages i do not understand that scream to me with a meaning i should have known

and this invention of anna driving the big van to greet me falls into a fever i once knew long ago

perhaps a migraine of the soul is the diagnosis for this malaise that has bound me and surrounded me in some desperate freak show for self imprisoned fools who carry crosses long after the debt has been paid has hidden the real me all these years

and this elevation of anna driving the big van to welcome me falls into an ocean i needed to swim long ago

in this randomness it would not be out of the ordinary to increase darkness by one and create the unwise but i have entered a dimension unforeseen where my thoughts are but peanuts in a field of gingerbread men smiling at scarecrows who know no greater sadness than living alone

and this inspiration of anna driving the big van to entice me falls into an orchestra of sounds i wish could conduct

and this verse is the nap - where i break the fourth wall of the readers reality - where i step away from the mountain of words i've used to strangle your mind - end of the nap

do you miss me when i'm gone? would you miss me when this is done?

as the bus stops at the station at the end of the rainbow feelings are tossing butterflies into wormholes of anticipation while my hair stands on end thinking about timelessness and the ever closing footsteps of my own madness painting desires in neon colors that warp my best intentions into a discombobulated mess of words that seem to never end

and this elation of anna driving the big van to offer me honey falls into a field of wildflowers that i buzz about for hours

Decide

 (are you ready to begin?)

i never knew the last moment ended

how could another be starting?

(don't be so childish, get on with it)

childish

child-like

children

child

what was it brian (or wadsworth) said?

child is the father of the man

(well then, old man..grandfather, take us back again)

are you sure? there be monsters down that path

monsters down that path...monsters...

 

feeling differently in the setting sun of this time around the wheel

so much to do

so much done wrong

so much to be undone before the last twinkling star of the last night to try fades into the obscurity of another trip around the wheel and i'm still seven steps from the top of mount i don't give a damn

happenstance is just the floundering of imagination crossing the river of dreams and you  won't know the question until you step inside the catacombs of your past and see the answers you scribbled on the walls in various attempts to find your way back out

now you step with caution feeling about the cool, cool walls of doubt and regret searching for reflection or redemption or maybe simply validation of your time in this pitre dish of ideas and emotion knowing all the while that these things can only come from within your own heart

your heart

your heart

in the center of it all your heart

how do i gain entrance to the fort that guards your heart if i can't find the way out of mine?

yes, there do be monsters here

of my own making

the soft blue of midnight trips into the vast unknown of youth disloved into the overwhelming gray of adulthood and we were all bound to rules that we never knew or understood as the time we thought was on our side slid further into obscurity that echoed in the canyons of the isolation we created to hide from our true selves

our true self

our true self under skies of color and imagination

we only have one chance to ride this magic

we only have one chance to witness the sideshow

witness the sideshow in this land of words and phrases

yes, there be monsters here

and there are wondrous creatures of love and beauty

it wouldn't be a sideshow without both

the ticket office is words away from where you are today or yesterday or tomorrow simply speak and the ride will begin

 

(is this where it begins or ends?)

isn't that for you to decide....

i went bowling at the restaurant at the end of the universe and thought i caught a glimpse of you

marcella in the center of the storm
passion and power ebb now flow
in your eyes swirling answers rise to meet crashing waves

marcella in the parking lot of life

alone now trembling soft and slow
in your eyes silent questions cower
through the madness of modern life

marcella in the epic movie of redemption and desire
grandiour and grace confidence now show
in your eyes motives and meaning stream in the fantasy of imagination

marcella gently dancing under rainbows
with holistic corgis speaking in rhyme
in your eyes everything connected
the center of the universe in your heart

marcella in the sunshine
oh marcella in the sunshine
she is 42 flavors of awesome
she is life unbound...when she smiles