Anna, She Drives the Big Van While I Smile and Wave at the Creatures Along the Highway

 these broken boxes of dreams scattered about the lime green waters sleeping in icy caverns beneath the surface of moons i long ago forgot to colonize in my rush to become the expanded mind come back to me now in a fragmented paisley kaleidoscope of memories i cannot explain

and this notion of anna driving the big van to meet me falls into a vision i once lost long ago

in freefall i laugh with no sound save the color of a new stress calling me into realms of a lithograph of different languages i do not understand that scream to me with a meaning i should have known

and this invention of anna driving the big van to greet me falls into a fever i once knew long ago

perhaps a migraine of the soul is the diagnosis for this malaise that has bound me and surrounded me in some desperate freak show for self imprisoned fools who carry crosses long after the debt has been paid has hidden the real me all these years

and this elevation of anna driving the big van to welcome me falls into an ocean i needed to swim long ago

in this randomness it would not be out of the ordinary to increase darkness by one and create the unwise but i have entered a dimension unforeseen where my thoughts are but peanuts in a field of gingerbread men smiling at scarecrows who know no greater sadness than living alone

and this inspiration of anna driving the big van to entice me falls into an orchestra of sounds i wish could conduct

and this verse is the nap - where i break the fourth wall of the readers reality - where i step away from the mountain of words i've used to strangle your mind - end of the nap

do you miss me when i'm gone? would you miss me when this is done?

as the bus stops at the station at the end of the rainbow feelings are tossing butterflies into wormholes of anticipation while my hair stands on end thinking about timelessness and the ever closing footsteps of my own madness painting desires in neon colors that warp my best intentions into a discombobulated mess of words that seem to never end

and this elation of anna driving the big van to offer me honey falls into a field of wildflowers that i buzz about for hours

Decide

 (are you ready to begin?)

i never knew the last moment ended

how could another be starting?

(don't be so childish, get on with it)

childish

child-like

children

child

what was it brian (or wadsworth) said?

child is the father of the man

(well then, old man..grandfather, take us back again)

are you sure? there be monsters down that path

monsters down that path...monsters...

 

feeling differently in the setting sun of this time around the wheel

so much to do

so much done wrong

so much to be undone before the last twinkling star of the last night to try fades into the obscurity of another trip around the wheel and i'm still seven steps from the top of mount i don't give a damn

happenstance is just the floundering of imagination crossing the river of dreams and you  won't know the question until you step inside the catacombs of your past and see the answers you scribbled on the walls in various attempts to find your way back out

now you step with caution feeling about the cool, cool walls of doubt and regret searching for reflection or redemption or maybe simply validation of your time in this pitre dish of ideas and emotion knowing all the while that these things can only come from within your own heart

your heart

your heart

in the center of it all your heart

how do i gain entrance to the fort that guards your heart if i can't find the way out of mine?

yes, there do be monsters here

of my own making

the soft blue of midnight trips into the vast unknown of youth disloved into the overwhelming gray of adulthood and we were all bound to rules that we never knew or understood as the time we thought was on our side slid further into obscurity that echoed in the canyons of the isolation we created to hide from our true selves

our true self

our true self under skies of color and imagination

we only have one chance to ride this magic

we only have one chance to witness the sideshow

witness the sideshow in this land of words and phrases

yes, there be monsters here

and there are wondrous creatures of love and beauty

it wouldn't be a sideshow without both

the ticket office is words away from where you are today or yesterday or tomorrow simply speak and the ride will begin

 

(is this where it begins or ends?)

isn't that for you to decide....

i went bowling at the restaurant at the end of the universe and thought i caught a glimpse of you

marcella in the center of the storm
passion and power ebb now flow
in your eyes swirling answers rise to meet crashing waves

marcella in the parking lot of life

alone now trembling soft and slow
in your eyes silent questions cower
through the madness of modern life

marcella in the epic movie of redemption and desire
grandiour and grace confidence now show
in your eyes motives and meaning stream in the fantasy of imagination

marcella gently dancing under rainbows
with holistic corgis speaking in rhyme
in your eyes everything connected
the center of the universe in your heart

marcella in the sunshine
oh marcella in the sunshine
she is 42 flavors of awesome
she is life unbound...when she smiles

A Ratio of Time (Into the Swim)

 the tragedy of these emotions swallow you in thunderstorms of doubt and lost memories 

is this the spectrum of madness calling you away?

falling

falling

into a ratio of time we only know in the darkness of our dreams

are you falling in love yet?

are you falling into the sea?

falling

 falling 

tears fall into pools of color only you can imagine

imagine

me

swimming with you

imagine

swimming

alone

imagine swimming

with another chance at being an aspiration

instead of the realization

of who you are

Heart of Sickness (We Have All Faded Away)

she says go away

you're not a real boy

only the ghost of a dream

she can no longer imagine

but mommy

i can feel the tears splatter

when they hit the ground

opiated emotions living in a parasite box

opportunity jumps like a junkie when she hears the knock

loneliness and boredom call out like childhood friends playing in the snow

pick up the phone give the family a call

another thumbs up performance of the same old show

a fool in the window and a stranger in the mirror

no time to cry, no place to hide

perhaps another fuck will make the image clearer

she says go away

you're not a real husband

only the ghost of a dream

she can no longer imagine

but lover

i can feel the tears splatter

when they hit the ground

the new scars on your back seem to suit the princess

who dreams of being queen of the night

tell us

will you let us know when you have found love

that can be seen in truth's light?

chaos wrapped in doubt, the game of blame without the shadow of shame

will it be too late when you learn

who's love you can't live without?

regret of the past will not be killed by the anger of today

the secret of happiness is not in waging war with heartbreak

it is in knowing when to lay down your sword and walk away

she says go away

none of you are real

only the ghost of dreams

she can no longer imagine

but we can feel the tears splatter

when they hit the ground

there are children and lovers lying in the earth you moved

there are children and lovers crying in the love you refused

and soon they will all fade away

and soon we will all fade away

keep on dreaming princess and you will have peace some day

your throne room will be empty and silent as a tomb

the ghosts of love and family seated on your right

the specters of doubt and fear on your left

your subjects, we will all have become 

vague pixelations of distant memories

into the heart of sickness

we have all faded away  

The Lost Adventures of Artemis Dobro: Episode X (The Demise of Artemis Dobro and the Birth of Lucian Nighthawk)

the sky rumbles, twisting and churning in me the color of occhiolism

time....is never the story you wish to tell

i touched grace and vengeance in orgasms of sound

flew with pixies and danced with angels

but it was never enough

never enough to sway the masters of fate

your true beauty i could never reach

your purity i could never become

my darkness you could never hold

dawn is ever fleeting

dreams are but shadows in the palace of my past

come now-

the hour of my death is at hand

resurrection planned

projectionist load the reel

ushers bring the house lights down

the long night of my soul is about to begin

and then i felt the mountains crumble

the seas swirled in agony

the moon, it split before my eyes and bled 

pouring my soul over the cosmos

you did not feel me as i expired

you did not hear my song

spiraling into another realm

driving into the chaos

let this be the time of burning

burn my history on the cross of loneliness

and anoint me as i fade away

anubis, cleanse my essence and protect me though this journey

osiris grant to me the stillness of the darkened sky and ferry me 'cross the river

isis, thy womb be the cradle of the reborn i

horus, gaze upon me with your knowing eye and with your chariot deliver me to the palace of nestor for i must drink with dionysus and copulate with persephone before my time in this ethereal realm has past

arise! lucian nighthawk! arise!

the last reel loaded, the credits roll

house lights flicker into being

another story to be told

The Dawn of My Dreams

her eyes rise to the heavens

with determination and a smile

she has been called to action

somewhere there is darkness

somewhere there is pain

an exhausted mother asks why

a child alone and afraid begins to cry

she is just a woman- flesh and blood

but she is wondrous

sunny is the darkest day when she works her plan

her heart surveys the crisis

her faith leads her heart

this is her battleground

the loss and the trauma

the broken and weak

with a handbag full of magic

and a wonder pup at her side

she lays out her plan to work

healing hearts and minds of those who need

she is just a woman- with burdens and fears

but she is wondrous

sunny is the darkest day when she works her plan

her eyes rise to the heavens

and her laughter brings the joy

her determination is her strength

her strength comes from her calling

leading with a gentle hand

healing with a soul as vast as the universe

the dawn of my dreams and the dawn of hope for others

she is just a woman-

and she is wondrous